wBillieupool
Hi. My name is Kate.


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wTuesday, May 06, 2003


Things you might not know about me:

Sometimes I think I have a cute nose. But most of the time I think I have a fat nose.

I know how to wakeboard.

I tried out for cheerleading when I was in 7th grade. I didn't make it.

I was a majorette in high school. I cracked my left front tooth once with one of my batons.

I can beat you up on a trampoline.

I have read The Chronicles of Narnia at least three times each, some four.

Sometimes I'm not a very good student.

But I want to go to grad school anyway.

Most of the time I'm very afraid...of everything.

I have never been in love.

I have a curious obsession with all things pirates and
Ben Folds and Key West.

My cat is meaner than yours. I also suspect he's retarded.

I have a kiss list.

Also, I can be given to gratuitous making out. Especially when I drink tequila.

I danced for 16 years.

I played the clarinet in high school and college. I also played the saxophone for a few years.

That said, I stopped because, really, I was quite bad at it.

I have had cancer. But now I'm okay.

I never wear pants when I go out on Halloween.

I have kept a diary, obsessively, since I was 12.

If I don't remember you, it's not because we smoked pot together.

Though we might have.

Perhaps my favorite thing in the whole world is sharing a good meal with the right people.

A close second is spooning.

Most likely I have warped my personality to better accommodate yours.

But don't worry, it's still all me.



posted by Kate at 9:57 PM


w


LET THE COUNTDOWN BEGIN:

only...onemore...exam...left...

Note: Only twenty-two days left until my 21st birthday. I will be accepting cash, booze, and birkenstocks. Thank you.



posted by Kate at 5:45 PM


wMonday, May 05, 2003


I don't know whereby I possessed the ability to pull an essay out of my asshole, but, truly, it amazes me. In the past twelve hours I have managed to cram a whole semester's worth of neglected Shakespeare into my comparatively small cranium. I'm sorry, old bard,
but I won't read you again unless they make me.


posted by Kate at 10:27 AM


wSunday, May 04, 2003


Note to self:

Seriously, you're going to have to temper the public making out.

posted by Kate at 8:30 PM


wWednesday, April 30, 2003


So part of the dirty pleasure of having a blog is getting to witness the odd perversions of strangers.

Here are some more classic examples of search queries that have turned up my blog:

chedder cheese pictures
student + adult diaper
shirtless Thad
shirtless undershirt
sex in the forest
smack + poetry + naughty + girl
freckles are very ugly
"Spruce Up" + crack
folding clothes and robot

And, really, the last one says so much, doesn't it?

posted by Kate at 11:46 AM


wThursday, April 24, 2003


LIFE IMITATES ART

There was rain, unrequited love, a nude model, and uncontrollable circumstances. So my life has become a movie, has it?

I had thought -- this is it. I'll give him my phone number today. It's the last day of life-drawing. If he's not interested, if he rejects me, it'll be okay because I won't have to draw him nude anymore. I won't even have to see him again. So I'll wait until he has all his clothes on and then I'll ask him about his summer or invite him to the concert tonight or tell him that I think he's an interesting person or something, anything. But the sudden rain...

During our fifteen minute break, a panicky Adam wanted to know if the concert tonight was cancelled or what so, after listlessly fidgeting through the last thirty minute pose, I decided to leave class early in order to go about getting the band moved from the amphitheater to indoors in the Adam's Center. And he was lying there still, fixed in his pose, his faced turned toward me, and just as I was leaving he opened his eyes and looked at me, hard.

I did the wrong thing. I should have stayed, but I smiled, walked away. The steel drum of my heart plummeted to my toes, and after all the requisite phone calls were made and everything was humming like normal, I walked through the rain back to Malone. I had forgotten my jacket -- classic. And was soaked and incredibly sexy and out of breath in that movie star kind of way, I'm sure. It was the perfect set-up -- he would have lagged behind for some reason, and upon seeing me stumble in, cold and wet and irresistible, he would wrap that wonderful body of his around me and kiss me, deeply. Yeah...

The class was empty, though. It was still raining. I didn’t know what to do, except come back here and fictionalize the moment by writing it down like this. But I’m a little heartbroken. I've messed up this time, folks.


posted by Kate at 6:19 PM


wTuesday, April 22, 2003


I'm only seven classes away from graduating. How fucking scary is that?

posted by Kate at 12:11 AM


wSunday, April 20, 2003


Because this is seriously the best song ever. And I will make mad passionate love to any man who ever plays it for me.

I'm that easy.

posted by Kate at 11:55 PM


wWednesday, April 16, 2003


Yeah. See, it's definitely better already.

In unrelated news: I'm being inducted into Sigma Tau Delta tonight. It's going to be a costume party and I'm totally going as a ballerina. But not just any ballerina, no, that would be too easy. I'm going as a gay/lesbian activist ballerina. My costume (borrowed from my sister, hah) is rainbow themed and it's got the biggest tutu ever. The thing's like a fucking chastity belt. Nobody can come within two feet of me from all sides. This is a good thing. Believe me.

Off to Wal-Mart to search for a tiara and/or a wand.



posted by Kate at 5:48 PM


wThursday, April 10, 2003


So yeah... I'm definitely at a stalemate here as to what to make of this blog. I obviously didn't really know how to make it a public arena. I obviously don't know if I want it to be. It's so diary-like at times, just another place to pour private words into a blank space, swirl them around like paints, sling and drip and rave like Pollack...maybe.

I'm losing faith in the way of things, in little things, in my needs and my desires and my drives, in the slender bare lines of winter trees and the superfluous frill of azalea bushes already falling into decay. I'm losing my way with all these words. I've become so obsessed with the act of becoming human that I've started, once more, to question the validity of these characters - how they so often are too small and inconsequential to help with anything at all.

Surely this hopelessness will pass - it always does. Surely I won't feel sick at the thought of poetry writing or slowing down the chaotic barreling of my pursuit of living long enough to slip beneath the heady roll and ebb of these continuous word-thoughts that thunder perpetually like a low roar in my head. I feel like I'm always looking for a fight, like I desperately seek out the sharp edges of the scenes I flee through, like I have to be bleeding or bellowing or striking out at something all the time just to escape the dull, dead weight of my limbs - how they just dangle helplessly from my shoulders while life is all around me all the time trying to get at me and get at me. I'm a fool because I fall prey to it. I look for trouble. I need to find it and live through it. I need it for my stories and my vision and my craft. I need it so that I can do something with my terribly, terribly short life.

But really, I'm a coward. I'm scared and I do things with my fear that hurt myself and hurt other people. I take risks. I make bad choices. I poison myself slowly. I neglect people who love me and seek out anyone who has no business to care for me. When I hood my eyes and look out into the bridge of my future I see nothing but endless choices, some difficult that will come of heavy consideration and preparation, but mostly, I see choices that will come of closing my eyes and leaping, my heart flapping somewhere above my body, my arms and legs flailing, fingers extended to touch something, anything that seems substantial enough to hold me up for just a few more moments.

And perhaps that's where I always wanted to be anyway - so close to an edge, any edge, as long as the fear is real and the view is beautiful. I never wanted to be too safe. I always feared my dependency on comfort and security. So - and here's the secret, here's the dirty secret of me, you are privy to it right now - when I do bad things, when I destroy everything around me, and when I finally destroy myself, I hope it will have finally been worth it. I hope these words are worth it, because, goddammit, they changed everything for me. They keep making and unmaking me again and again.


posted by Kate at 1:44 AM


wSaturday, March 15, 2003


How many years has it been since I was last on a trampoline? Four glasses of hunch punch later and I made up for it like a mad woman. Have you ever tried to kick someone's ass on a trampoline? It's a near death experience if there ever was one.

posted by Kate at 12:07 AM


wThursday, March 13, 2003


So this is what my Shakespeare class really talks about: "...if you need your ass scratched call a fairy in a flower cap." This is a direct quote from my professor.



posted by Kate at 1:59 PM


wTuesday, March 11, 2003


Yo. Let's rock this thing.

Paper writing all tonight and tomorrow. Study, study, study. PAR-TAY. Test. Test. Collapse. Concert. Play. Collapse.

Let's see if I can make it outa this week alive.

posted by Kate at 5:32 PM


wMonday, March 10, 2003


Things on my to do list:

1. Wear cute overalls
2. Go for a run
3. Mail some letters
4. Draw some nude people
5. Write a paper

Things not on my to do list:

1. Collapse in a big sweaty mess on bed after run and fall into semi-coma

posted by Kate at 4:03 PM


wWednesday, March 05, 2003


Quiz, yo:

Seven Deadly Sins

ANGER
1. Who did you last get angry with? Myself.
2. What is your weapon of choice? My magical powered bitch slap hand, much like Snoop Dogg's.
3. Would you hit a member of the opposite sex? I often do, but I doubt I've ever hurt anyone.
4. How about of the same sex? Not so much.
5. Who was the last person who got really angry at you? Um, I'm not sure. Probably a good friend.
7. Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily? I'm the worst grudge-holder in the entire world because I'm lazy and holding grudges is hard work.

SLOTH
3. Name a person you've been meaning to contact, but haven't: My aunt.
4. What is the last lame excuse you made? I make so many of them. It's like choosing between my children, really.
5. Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through? No. I'm a real connoisseur of the as-seen-on-tv products though. The pasta draining pot fascinates me.
6. When was the last time you got a good workout in? This afternoon. A run in my new shoes! It's like bouncing around in a cloud! I'm still a lousy runner, though.
7. How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today? Had I hit snooze this morning instead of just turning off my two (you heard me right) alarm clocks then perhaps I could have had a shower and not been late to Modern Poetry.

GLUTTONY
1. What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice? Uh, don't have one really, but I make up for it in the sheer amounts of liquids I drink everyday all the time. I'm a real juice junkie, and then there's all the milk and water and, sadly yes, sodas.
2. Meat eaters: white meat or dark meat? Vegetarians: Vegan or no? Meat eater. Will try almost anything once. I usually prefer white meat, though.
3. What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting/outing/event? I certainly couldn't tell you because I lost count of course, but I'd have to say Halloween this past fall and Dead Day spring semester last year run a very close race.
4. Have you ever used a professional diet company? Diet? Yeah, right.
5. Do you have an issue with your weight? I think I might. I probably weigh more than someone my size should, but as long as I can still function on a physical level that I'm comfortable with I try to be okay with my body size.
6. Do you prefer sweets, salty foods, or spicy foods? Definitely sweets.
7. Have you ever looked at a small housepet or child and thought, "LUNCH!"? Hell yeah.

LUST
1. How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies/family)? I couldn't count them. Seriously. I have seen many, many naked bodies in various situations and contexts.
2. How many people have seen YOU naked (not counting physicians/family)? 1...2...34567???? I'm not exactly sure. It's not as bad as it sounds. I promise.
3. Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a member of your gender of choice during a normal conversation? Oh definitely. Women too. Cleavage is an eye magnet no matter your sexual orientation.
4. Have you "done it"? Um, done what? I need clarification.
5. What is your favourite body part on a person of your gender of choice? I love backs and shoulders. I love the bendy place where the bicep connects to the forearm, and I love, repeat, love the indented muscle place on a man where his stomach connects with his groin.
6. Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute? I don't believe so.
7. Have you ever had to get tested for an STD or pregnancy? No.

GREED
1. How many credit cards do you own? I don't own any, just a check card that I never use. Except that one time when I used it to go sky diving.
2. What's your guilty pleasure store? Coconuts, definitely. I can't go in that store without buying at least four or five CDs at a time.
3. If you had $1 million, what would you do with it? I would take a trip and buy a few new clothes and let my dad manage the rest.
4. Would you rather be rich, or famous? Rich.
5. Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks? Depends. I might work a job like that for a while, but eventually I'd have to quit.
6. Have you ever stolen anything? I don't think so. I've kept some "found" things.
7. How many MP3s are on your hard drive? Not too many.


PRIDE
3. What thing would you like to accomplish in your life? I want to be as successful and good a poet as possible.
4. Do you get annoyed by coming in second place? Hell yes. I seem to have the second place curse too. That, and it usually takes me three tries to do anything right. Like I totally got my ears pierced (first hole) for the third time three weeks ago and I'm trying really hard to not screw it up again.
5. Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors? After a long moral debate with myself, I'm about to do just that. It's an almost sure $75, though. How can I pass that up? And maybe someone will beat me and my ego as well. That would almost be a good thing.
6. Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score? Yes. I'm not proud of it, but I have.
7. What did you do today that you're proud of? I can't think of anything that I'm exceptionally proud of today. I ran?

ENVY
4. Have you ever been cheated on? I don't think so.
5. Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own? Sometimes I wish I had extremely dark features instead of extremely light/blonde features.
6. What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself? Let's see, I wish I had a natural curiosity that wasn't tempered by an unwillingness to look stupid and ignorant. People who ask lots of questions are my heroes.

Finally, what is your favourite deadly sin? Gluttony, totally. I love to eat.

Seven Heavenly Virtues

FAITH
1. What religion do you follow? I was raised Presbyterian, but I don't hold to a rigid faith system right now, and I probably never will. I do believe in god, though.
2. What religion were you raised as? You know.
3. Do you believe that forgiveness is a religious property, or a human property? Definitely a human property.
4. Do you believe in magic? I still check the back of my "wardrobe" pretty regularly.
6. Have you ever said the words to a prayer and not meant it? Yes. How terrible.

HOPE
1. Did you get everything you wanted over the last holiday season? No. I didn't get any CDs. What an ungrateful little brat I am.
2. Regarding your future, what is the best thing you could hope for? To be true to my art, my craft, my skill and my work, no matter what the cost.
3. Do you let yourself get your hopes up for something even if you know that there is a large chance of failure? I try not to. I try very hard not to.
4. Do you believe in Murphy's Law? Sometimes. Mostly not.
5. Have you ever bought a lottery ticket? There's no lottery in Alabama. That's evil, duh.
6. Do you gamble? If so, what game or activity? Gambling games are usually scary and strange to me.
7. Have you ever had something called off on account of bad weather, but then gone ahead and done it anyway? Not really.

CHARITY
1. What causes do you support? Not many. I try to be as environmentally and socially and politically responsible as I can. But I fall short. A lot.
2. What causes have you given money or time to? Lots of environmental stuff.
3. Have you ever worked in a soup kitchen or done another kind of outreach for the homeless? Since I've grown up surrounded by small towns where the homeless population is virtually invisible, I've never done any kind of service of that kind.
4. Would you ever consider joining the Peace Corps, Amnesty International, or another travel-inherent worldwide charity group? Maybe.
5. Do you give money to the homeless on the street? Do you talk to the homeless on the street? Like I said, I'm not around a lot of homeless people, so when I do visit big cities, homelessness is something that clenches at my heart in an awful way. I've never given anyone money, though. I wouldn't know where to start, so I usually just ignore them. I'm a bad person, probably.
6. Have you ever helped out a friend with basic needs, like rent or food? Nah. My friends are totally dope and stuff. (what?)

FORTITUDE
1. What are you most afraid of? That I'm not as good as I think I am, and not in a saintly kind of way.
2. What did you do today that was really brave? I haven't done anything exceptionally brave, really. I ate alone in the dining hall. That's definitely an uncomfortable thing.
3. Who is your favourite superhero, and why? Wonder Woman. I want a rocket like hers. I'd modify it slightly though.
4. Would you put your life in danger to rescue someone? I hope so. I hope so.
5. If you were to face the Wizard, would you want more courage, more brains, or more heart? I'd want more brains so badly that I'd hardly be able to keep myself from asking, begging, for them. But I don't think I should be changed at all because then my writing would change and it's got a real chance to be something good as it is I think.
6. Have you ever gotten stage fright? If so, when? If not, how do you avoid it? I used to do a lot of performing - band, dance, etc... I was never extraordinarily comfortable onstage, but it was never an excruciating experience either.
7. Do you consider yourself to be a leader or a follower? I'm not such a good leader, but I'm not such a good follower either.

JUSTICE
1. Have you ever been summoned for jury duty? Were you chosen? Nah.
2. If they reinstituted the draft (for both genders), would you go, or would find some way out of it? Dude, I'm legally blind. They can't make me go...can they?
3. Do you support capital punishment (the death penalty)? This is a tough call. Ultimately, I'd say yes.
5. Do you believe that Dubya is rightfully President of the USA? I believe he was fairly elected, but I don't agree with anything else in context with him.
7. Have you ever written a letter to a politician? No. Shame on me.

TEMPERANCE
1. What do you have the hardest time moderating yourself on? Snacking. Thinking too obsessively about certain things.
2. Do you collect anything? The usual things...CDs, shoes and whatnot.
3. Are you addicted to anything? totally, totally chapstick, lip balms, glosses, anything lip related.
4. Have you ever put anything on layaway or used an installment plan? No. I don't think so.
5. What's your preferred method of paying for things? Cash for small stuff. Checks for bigger stuff.
6. Tell us one thing you wish you hadn't let yourself do: When? I'm always letting myself do things I wish I wouldn't. I wish I hadn't let myself get embarrassed in Creative Writing class today when a boy I used to like read his short story and it had a part where the main character explains why he doesn't like one night stands.
7. Do you feel that you obsess over things? Constantly, sadly.

PRUDENCE
2. Have you ever participated in a vigil? I guess.
3. Do you take advice when it's given? Even if you haven't asked for it? Sometimes. I'm really stubborn about advice for the most part.
4. What area are you wisest in? I'm mostly very, very foolish, but sometimes I think I intuitively know a lot about being human. Sometimes I can even write about it.
6. Have you ever had unprotected sex outside of marriage? Would you ever? No I haven't. I hope I wouldn't be stupid enough to do that, but I could. Maybe.
7. What did you learn today? That my new shirt that I got free with my new shoes perfectly matches a blue beaded necklace I made.

And of course, what is your favourite heavenly virtue? Justice.




posted by Kate at 9:42 PM


wMonday, March 03, 2003


Alright, alright. I know I've got a paper due in a week and I know I've got to write some stupid thank you letter for a speaker at the environmental club meeting I didn't even go to and I know I've got to work on my short story at some point and I know I've got two tests next week and the damn paper and and and all the poems that are slipping between my fingers just when I thought I was getting them down faster and better.

But...of course there's a new female model for life drawing tomorrow and how I might go camping this weekend but I'm not sure and how I might be planting potatoes tomorrow at an organic farm run by a guy named Gary just outside of town and, yes, there are a million things to do and, no, I'm not going to read The Taming of the Shrew tonight, or am I? Oh, what does it matter? People like me and tonight I totally drank beer out of a old Wendy's cup while I watched Billy Madison in the photography room in Malone. It was so trashy/cool.


posted by Kate at 11:57 PM


w


It's been the kind of day where I feel like running everywhere just because I can...and I did...in my new shoes! Yay!

posted by Kate at 4:40 PM


w


And also...

I love drawing the human figure; I mean, I really love it, as in spend-the-rest-of-my-life-pursuing-the-act-of-drawing-the-nude-human-figure-love-it, and I mean it. This weekend, when I went home, I decided to show the parents some of my latest drawings. My mom just winced a little. She thinks it's a phase, I can tell. And when I asked my dad what he thought he just said, "It's a dude showing his bare ass, that's what I think."

My poor, poor parents - that they ever had a daughter like me. Thank god I've got a sister who wants to be a pharmacist and a brother who wants to fly airplanes.


posted by Kate at 1:17 AM


wSunday, March 02, 2003


So...

What I really want right now is an ink cartridge for my printer and some Coca-Cola from a soda fountain and some Dove chocolates. I really want some Dove chocolates.

My dad bought me some New Balance running tennies this weekend because my other shoes were cheap - albeit fashionable - and it was like running barefoot on concrete. I messed up my foot really good, but it's better now and I have these new shoes too. I used to make fun of people who wore New Balance in high school. Not because I was a particularly lusty trend buster but because I couldn't really afford them or the complimentary Abercrombie and Fitch baby tees, and besides, I've never been very style conscious. I match sometimes. Anyway, now I'm going to be, like, a running super hero in my new New Balances and the free t-shirt I got from the store Dad bought them at because, you know, he knows the owner because he knows everybody. Of course none of this thoughtful - or is it thoughtless - rambling has done anything to help me with the reading I haven't done or how I can't find the correct ink cartridge for my printer anywhere or how I'm really just incredibly thirsty right now and dying for some Dove chocolates, preferably dark.




posted by Kate at 9:28 PM


wFriday, February 28, 2003


How to Have the Best Day Ever:

1. Sleep right on through Shakespeare at 11:30. Sleep until 12:00.

2. Go with a friend to a local flower shop. Buy the cutest gift basket ever and have it delivered the next day to another friend in honor of her 21st.

3. Go to life drawing. Draw the most kickingest ass drawings ever.

4. Get called the Conte Queen by your teacher.

5. Have a "moment" with the model afterward when you wash your hands free from all that conte and he offers up the sweatshirt he's wearing for you to dry your hands on.

6. Accidentally meet up with a friend after life drawing. Go to Buffalo’s with him and two other guys.

7. Eat wings and dream about how, three months from now, you can order all the beer your wistful little heart longs for.

8. Go to a strange house filled with people you used to sorta hang out with but not really.

9. Drink a lot of whiskey and coke.

10. Almost get beat up by a jealous girlfriend and a very big lesbian.

11. Scuffle with a few people, get dry humped by a few more.

12. Go with a bunch of guys to try to tow your friend's Landrover out of a mud pit.

13. Watch them strip down to their underwear and get all muddy.

14. Get seriously, seriously muddy yourself.

15. Come back home. Wash your clothes and your tennies. Think about your kick ass drawings. Feel pretty damn happy.


posted by Kate at 2:15 AM


wSaturday, February 22, 2003


There are some things I want so badly that I stay as far away from them as I possibly and realistically can. There are some longings so keen that merely acting upon them might damage the fine weavings of their perfect fantasies, and I won't do it. I won't.

What the fuck is wrong with me?


posted by Kate at 2:19 AM


wThursday, February 20, 2003


It's so sad how sometimes I just want so desperately to be so different from who I am and who I can't help but be. I mean, why isn't my life noisier and more boisterous? Why don't I have more friends and why don't I hang out in bars? Why in the world don't I wear funky eyeglasses? Why am I not just a tad more nerdy, like fashionably nerdy? Why do computers give me the heebie-jeebies? Why haven't I made out with more people?

And well, see, it's just that...I don't know why. I don't know why at all. Maybe my life does imitate something wonderful sometimes, like how I was eating alone by the window in the dining hall this evening when Alan totally long jumped the bushes outside just to wave and grin at me. And like how I do have wonderfully zany friends who do things with me like streak around the arboretum at night and get toasted on wine under a tree in the golf course at 2:00 in the morning. But mostly, I get so unsatisfied with my life sometimes because it's mine and it doesn't always work right. Sometimes there are technical errors. Every now and then it just plain crashes.

And that's okay, I think. Because I've still got time.


posted by Kate at 12:08 AM


wSaturday, February 15, 2003


Things I Did on Valentine's Day:

1. Wore a giant sparkly heart ring and gave out pink and red stickers

2. Met someone I've always wanted to meet

3. Made up with a best friend

4. Played ping pong with new friend and best old friend in another friend's tiny living room

5. Made a red beaded necklace

6. Put on lots of makeup

7. Went to a gallery opening of entirely black and white art in Ozark

8. Made friends with four old ladies who shooed us home with two platefuls of homeade love cookies

9. Ate at the worst Mexican restaurant ever

10. Adopted a red balloon

11. Drove around Troy for two hours scoping out a possible keg party

12. Speculated on the amount of shagging taking place

13. Discovered no such keg party, but

14. Discovered my current crush's (one of them, at least) tiny house

15. Drove by it twice more

16. Thought about breaking into one of the two bottles of Blackberry Merlot stashed between my old textbooks and the bowler hat I wore on Halloween. Instead, I

16. Came home, washed my face, cleaned my just pierced ears, and went to bed


posted by Kate at 12:29 AM


wWednesday, February 12, 2003


There are times, so poignant I almost cringe, when I feel so good and right and like I have no business being any other place or with any other people. What do I do with such wonderful contentment?

Like the goddamn sky on fire yesterday evening just after sunset or how I'm going camping at the beach the first and second weekends of march with two different groups of people who equally want me there or the Sigma Tau Delta reading coming soon with wines and cheeses and other good things and good people or how the free movie on campus tomorrow is My Big Fat Greek Wedding or the ridiculously campy movie I watched with the Art Guild tonight just after I gracefully bowed out of a dinner at Los Parotos.

And, damn, life is so good.

posted by Kate at 12:15 AM


wTuesday, February 11, 2003


So you know what's not fair? Boys with incredibly bright eyes, that's what. It's totally too distracting, especially paired with a great smile. I mean, really people, who can resist a guy with big bright screaming blue eyes and a grin that says look at me I'm totally adorable in this I know but try to pretend I don't know kind of way. I'm a fool because I've never been able to resist that kind of boy, ever.

Let's get serious.

I get sidelined by the opposite sex quite a bit. I'm a sucker, and I know it. But I can't quit being all knobbly-kneed when someone who puts the mo in my jo pays attention to me. Sometimes I don't even really need all that much attention, just a little acknowledgement like, I dunno, a smile and two big bright eyes flashing at me every now and then. It's not fair.

So forgive me when, on occasion, I do break out the games, and try to retaliate with my own rustic feminine wiles. I mean, I got blue eyes too.

I even have a mean pair of dimples.

posted by Kate at 12:51 AM


wThursday, February 06, 2003


I used to be hyper aware of my more obvious girly characteristics, like how I giggle too much and how small animals melt me into a goggly-eyed gushing two year old. I used to try to hide said characteristics. I used to try to be more composed and stoic and reserved.

But you know what? I don't fucking care anymore. So...

wittle cute puppies and kitties are so cute! awwwwwww I wuv them, those cute wittle fuzzy kitties and puppies...SMOOCH!

posted by Kate at 12:43 AM


wWednesday, February 05, 2003


Things that make me cry:

math

severe frustration

severe exhaustion

those talks with the parents

the first 15 minutes of Girl Interupted

anything, anything that touts triumph over adversity - this includes commercials

the boy who broke my heart in 9th grade

talks with god

posted by Kate at 8:45 PM


wSunday, February 02, 2003


I think it could have been when Bonnie and Jaime rolled down the hill at Dr. Stewart’s like two prepubescent hyperactive 10 year olds or maybe it was the Tom Petty and the windows rolled down in Steve's dusty corsica and the rolling back roads of Troy and the sunshine so potent it felt damn near spring. Whatever moment or time or feeling or place, I thought I might never be so content.

And thank god for it because life is so much sometimes I might explode.


posted by Kate at 5:23 PM


wThursday, January 30, 2003


Sometimes I just get so scared of everything all at once.

posted by Kate at 1:56 AM


wMonday, January 27, 2003


Everything in life should be as simple and good as Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia ice cream.

Also, I drew a kick-ass drawing today. I've got a gimp foot though, been hobbling around campus all day.

posted by Kate at 11:10 PM


wThursday, January 23, 2003


When I was a very little girl I would tell my mother stories. She’d write them down on blank sheets of stapled paper, and then I would laboriously illustrate them. I'm sure they were nothing terribly prodigious - just stories about princesses and princess and fairies and unicorns and other magical things most probably. They've all been destroyed or thrown away by now.

When I was a baby my mother would put picture books into my crib on Friday nights so she and my father could sleep in on Saturdays. Midmorning she would come into my room and find me happily thumbing through my books.

So I suppose I've always been like I am, and I can't help but be me because something's hardwired in my brain and my trembly little fingers to do things like read and write and draw. I can't make sense out of myself, you know. I'm quirky and inexplicable. I've a muddly brain that can't add right or think of witty things to say or remember my own phone number half the time or reel off all fifty states for you right now or even efficiently participate in class discussions, but I've got fingers that can draw a human figure with astonishing accuracy (I find it astonishing at least) and I can write a damn good paper without even really trying. My poems can be good sometimes too. They really can.

So... What's the catch? Why do I feel mentally retarded sometimes? Why do I feel a stunning proficiency at other times? What the hell's my problem and why can't I get a date?


posted by Kate at 11:51 PM


wTuesday, January 21, 2003


I don't get many visitors to this weblog - mostly I have accidents, people who type things in search engines and then visit my page out of curiosity - and I certainly don't have any regular visitors. I think that might be a shame as I myself am a regular visitor to quite a few personal websites, but I can't complain. I am neither diligent about keeping up regular posts nor quite professional with the writings I do post. I am also one of the most computer illiterate creatures that ever blundered across personal publishing in the web. So kudos to Blogger for making the system truly idiot proof. Anyway, if you do happen across this journal and happen (egad!) to like it as well then for god's sake come back and then write me an email or sign my guest book or something.


posted by Kate at 7:23 PM


wSunday, January 12, 2003


A poem for you: Sunset Celebration, Key West

Sunlight's last oratorio assails luminescent
beyond harbor-side Mallory square.

The sky is like a just plowed field
churned and set aflame above the ocean

and the juggler is throwing fire
for the crowd pressing in from Duval street.

Most stop, curious, root fascinated
in the on-pouring of always more people.

The final tour boats have all launched
and there is nothing to do but wonder at

the street acts and the street lamps
and the sidewalk cafes smelling of wine and salt

and the anchored yachts lit up and strung around
the docks like glowing ropes of fireflies in the dusk.

The light is so much it has given way
to violet night, clouds billowing,

black ocean glittering,
a moon banked by brilliance.

The people are drunk on it.
This place is too much

Fire too much
Color too much

Light to keep on burning.

The man who walks on glass is rolling up
his shattered runway.

He goes home and knows it all by heart -
how tomorrow will find him on his feet

again, more broken walking,
another sunset.

posted by Kate at 2:52 AM


wFriday, January 10, 2003


New developments crucial to my happiness:

1. The idea of exercise
2. At least one bottle of cran-grape juice every day
3. The TIME magazine in my mail box every week
4. My crush on the nude drawing class model
5. Greeting people

Also, hello.

posted by Kate at 3:45 PM